My Saturn Return experience, so far..

I recently was told (by my friend Chris Chatman- thanks 💙 ) I'm in my Saturn Return; an astrological transit that occurs every 29 years, when Saturn returns to the same position in the solar system as the time you were born. This period is said to be a difficult challenge of life changes, facing adulthood responsibilities, and lasts two years. This resonates to an extreme for a few reasons, but I'll elaborate on the top 3 affecting me daily.  I want to share my struggles publicly, as it’s been a dark time. Now that I have perspective, I understand these are gifts, allowing me to grow into who I'm meant to be. I've never been a writer, but I'm hoping to share some light.

1. When I was young,  all I wanted to do was dance and sing. In childhood and as a young adult, I experienced life in rehearsals, backstage, at auditions and onstage. In my 29th (this) year, a realization of a faded passion for my once top career goal- to be a successful musical theatre artist- has made an appearance. It's been a hard one to admit and let go of.  Upon moving to the Big Apple, I was in final consideration for a couple Broadway Shows, but nothing landed. I auditioned for something completely opposite to musical theatre, and I did book an Off-Broadway Interactive Sensation- a more performance art/interpretive style of theatre. It opened my eyes to a new world and after 3 years, I feel more connected to telling my truth through performing. I will always have a soft spot for musical theatre, and perhaps could revisit this art form someday. Luckily, I've found new passions to artistically fulfill me in ways I never imagined. Traveling and living in New York City has inspired my other talents to come to surface. Just to touch on what my new career dreams are (right now!)- 1. Inspiring women to reach their full potential through teaching fitness has been a challenging new career and I am loving every minute. I still can't believe I work with some of the top trainers in NYC. I am inspired by these women daily, both staff and clients. Growing up a dancer, having physical strength has come fairly easily. For me, fitness has been a mental workout since day one, and I'm becoming addicted to the rewards of sweating through a bad day or negative thought. 2. My desire for traveling the world began around 18, and I think this is going to stick around for life. I dream of being a successful travel photographer. I feel so comfortable exploring a new place, learning about the culture, capturing its beauty, and documenting how I feel at the time through photographs of where I am. 3. Starting an entertainment company. I've slowly attempted, before I was ready. I want to give this project the attention it deserves, the New Year is the perfect reason to get it moving. I never saw myself doing anything else but performing. But I feel so fortunate to discover more layers of what I can do.

Photo by Performance Riverside

At age 19, I performed in my first professional musical theatre production- Thoroughly Modern Millie at Performance Riverside in Riverside, California

2. At age 28,  a few months before my Saturn Return was approaching, I entered a relationship that changed my life. I experienced a passionate connection with someone, and I feel lucky. Now in the midst of my astrological orbit, I have suffered through my first true heartbreak from the same person. Painfully similar to a death, it left me with a devastating loss unlike any other. I was in shock and had to go through the steps completely alone. After the initial breakup, I put up a long and sincere fight of believing in something I thought was true. Sadly, the man I fell in love with no longer exists. That is the only reason I've been able to cope, along with finally being ready to trust the universe. "If you love something, let it go", has been knocking on my door for a while. That being said, please don't leave things unsolved or in a unhealthy state. Tell someone how special they are...you never know what tomorrow brings. Without closure, I am forced to heal on my own, with my good friend TIME. Everything happens for a reason and I'm going to love again, better than ever. I am proud of myself to finally have the strength to move forward.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all."

3. Lastly, I will speak lightly about our nation’s major shift in UNITED safety, happiness and pure love. Everyone has been affected in some way, I personally have felt extremely overwhelmed. But, I also feel so honored to live in a time where change is now. Don't give up when we have come so far. Silence is ignorance, and speaking without intention is unappreciated. My friend Shane started Hands Up, a campaign allowing you to share pride for your dreams of making the world a better place.  Watch his inspirational video and get involved now -https://www.facebook.com/shane.tierney.79?fref=ts

I hope everyone has a loved one to confide in, and strength to stand up for your beliefs.

Photo found on Tumblr

After some research, I found a great article to help me understand this experience, and learn to appreciate this time of reflection and self-discovery. You can find it here- http://wakeup-world.com/2015/01/29/understanding-saturn-return-the-cycle-of-maturation/

I am grateful for these lessons, even though they are hands down the most difficult and confusing, this is my personal path that I am destined to journey. I remember how fortunate I am to be in a place full of like-minded, open-hearted humans.  New York City brings endless inspiration for new passions to reach career level, it makes space for new love, and helps you embrace new and established friendships. My friends and family have been absolute soldiers, providing me with comfort when I'm down. The city also isolates you, when all you need is a shoulder to cry on.  I've learned to pick myself up when I am sad, as we are all terribly busy and it's not possible to have someone hold my hand 24/7. I'm gaining my power back each time I'm alone for necessary grieving. I am truly amazed at the strength we have inside. Our minds can sometimes play tricks, but our souls burn an energy for life that will never give up on us.

Image by QAuz

At first, Saturn Return, sounded like fancy way to describe the "quarter- life crisis" before turning 30...(and just when I thought I was cheating the universe, because I actually enjoy getting older and wiser). But it really is quite logical. Regardless, this article (link above) and talking openly about this magical connection our bodies share with the galaxy has given me hope in battling my recent hardships.  Saturn is brutally kicking my ass, but I'm finally ready to let time take care of me, and understand this will shape me into a stronger woman. I am embracing my Saturn Return and truly excited for what's to come!

#fullonadulting #changeisgood #growup

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